I have never known what forgiveness looked like or what it felt like. I always imagined that you would have this feeling of relief come over you.. that the person you were forgiving, the relationship would blossom again. I felt like it was a simple task to do until I started to seek God and ask him to help me forgive myself along with the individuals who have hurt me. I have come to learn over my years of trying to seek forgiveness that it may not come in the ways that you expect it to. God’s plans may be different for you compared to the next person. I noticed on my journey of forgiveness that it was often me talking to the individual and trying to understand why they did what they did along with letting them know how it impacted my life and my growth. I learned that not everyone is receptive and does not always take accountability for their wrongs, some do not even have an answer for the things that they have done. That is when I realize that I will most likely travel down this road alone. Forgiveness for me is cutting down all the trees which represents the bad the individual has done and planting new seeds with them, but also knowing what your boundaries are. As we cut down the trees we are no longer blinded by what they have done, and we are able to see them clearly. They are human beings. Yes, it is unfortunate that I/you were placed along their path of destruction, but whether we want to admit it or not, we grew in those moments. We are able to recognize what will and will not tolerate, how we will raise our own children, and how we will make different choices than they did, along with so much more and we begin to look out for ourselves more along with our future. As we begin to see them as human, we see that they are just hurt children who did not get the love, adoration, attention, respect, whatever it may be. We see that they are just in survival mode trying to protect themselves no matter the cost of another person. Some do not have the mental strength or willpower to overcome their demons, the most we can do is pray for them. For me learning to forgive is grieving what happened, grieving the fantasy in my head of what could have been if this did not take place, then working through my anger that keeps me disconnected from this individual. I must continue to work through this for me because the person who was in the wrong continues to live their life as if nothing has happened.. they may not think about it or dwell on it as much as you do, but sitting around in that anger will eventually consume you and bleed into other relationships that you deem important. As I move out of my anger, I must recognize what do I need from this individual or from this relationship… If it is nothing, then close that door. It is okay to forgive and want nothing to do with that individual. Remember that this process is strictly for you. Once I figure out what it is that I need, I must continue to be mindful that I am starting on fresh soil with this relationship. I am planting seeds to harvest with them, and learning to connect despite our past history. It will not always be easy at times, but as long as I am intentionally not reminding myself of the past hurt, I will continue to see them as human. I must be mindful and keep my boundaries with them, but connecting from a distance is better than no connection at all; depending on the situation and the individual. Lastly, forgiveness is a complex case and is defined and viewed differently for many people, but this is how I view it for myself at the moment.