I am yearning for deep intimacy. a deep connection. a deep love. a deep passion. fire coursing through my veins. my heart skips when I hear your voice. melting by the touch of your finger. kisses that taste like honey. missing you from sun up to sun down. everlasting conversation. safety within your presence. cuddles in the middle of the night. forehead kisses that make everything all right. subtle touches that pull me into your security. making love in the wee hours. tight hugs from the back. hands full of magic that soothes the aches in my feet. movie nights on Wednesday. Date night on Friday. Dancing in the middle of the kitchen to slow jazz.

I miss love.

Growing up and not feeling loved by your family is hard to process as a child. It makes you feel like it is something that you are doing not to be loved. You begin to take the blame for everything and beat yourself up. You try to be good. Get good grades. Stay out of trouble. Be obedient. Even when you do those things, you do not feel supported and it feels like no matter what you do the love is not reciprocated. It cuts deeper when the neglect is from your mother. from your father. from your brother. the closest people to you. the people that show you how a relationship is supposed to be and how to show up in relationships for yourself and for others. I don’t want to have to struggle to know that someone loves me. I don’t want to put people through tests or even block out the love that I know I deserve. I know that I am a very good person. I deserve to have the same in return. I want to be able to recognize love. I want to be able to accept love. I want to be able to stand in it. I want to experience love. I want to embody it. Love has been so tricky for me to walk into. I want to feel love wholeheartedly. I want love to move me. I want the love to speak to me. I want to be able to see it in my everyday activities. I want to learn what it is. I know that God loves me and he will never forsake me. I learned this recently. It is hard to trust and believe that other human beings love me and want to treat me right.

Spirit Speaking through me: The Lord hears my cries and he will grant me my desire. He will fill me with his love. He will show me what love is supposed to look like. He will help me to embrace it. He will show me how to love myself. Lord hears you, Kelsey. He hears you. He understands the trouble that you have had with love and he wants you to know that it is all right to walk in it. He wants you to learn how to trust love again for love has not done you wrong it is the people. Learn how to separate the two. Let love transform you when it comes in. Do not be afraid remember that the Lord brought it to you when you begin to fear or worry and know that he would not bring it to you if he did not think that you were ready. Your friends and family love you, Kelsey. Please know. I know it is difficult to see it but learn to understand how each person shows up for you, it is different but it is with love. They love you and you have to believe it, Kelsey. you have to or you will continue to feel like no one does. Stop fighting it and stop letting this belief take over your life because it is not true. You are so deserving and so worthy of love Kelsey. you have to believe it. truly believe it. continue to pray and bring these concerns and worries to God. Let him hear your pain and witness your cries. He knows how hurt you are. Give him time to fix it. Be patient in this period. Continue to love you and continue to work on letting others love you. It will click for you soon Kelsey. Continue to have faith, believe, and pray. It will come to you in due time Kelsey. I love you!